how one loses passion
how one loses passion.
hello beautiful earthling
I thought I would talk about my blog today, the pressure in every single post, and the passion, happiness and excitement that once filled these posts.
It was the summer of 2020 when I started my blog, this little blog.
That year, that day, that moment, I decided to watched a ted talk called “Why I Went Zero Waste.” I don’t know what hit me that day, but something certainly did. I felt amazed at how someone could be so passionate about the environment, how they could do so much for our planet, and how willing they were. I suddenly wanted to know everything and anything that was related to climate change, to plastic pollution, to our planet. I watched more and more YouTube videos on environmental problems, I watched videos of animals dying because of plastic, and after every single video, my passion for changing the environment, protecting nature only grew. I felt heartbroken, but at the same time, determined. I wanted to go zero waste, I wanted to go vegan, and I would stop polluting the environment. I decided from that day on, I would live an eco-friendly life style.
That year, that day, that moment, I decided that I would not produce any more waste. After 10 minutes, I had already made a fistful of paper scraps and plastic. I felt extremely disappointed. But I didn’t stop.
In the minutes that followed, days that followed, and eventually the weeks that followed, I worked hard.
I became so passionate about the environment to the point where I convinced my mom and brother (who loved hamburgers and meat) to become vegetarian. We cooked vegetarian meals, ate lots and lots of tofu, vegetables and fruit. I even wanted to become vegan, but my mom protested and told me that it was extremely bad for my health, even when I showed her repeatably the articles and videos that explained veganism had no extreme health affects, and even proved that a plant based diet was better for the body.
I watched documentaries on animal cruelty, the meat industry, and pollution. I even first got my Netflix account because I wanted to watch more documentaries on these issues. (Though I did also use it to watch HSMTMTS).
Every time we went to the grocery store I would avoid getting plastic; at that time I didn’t use a big amount of reusable bags, and was only focusing on avoiding plastic in general. If one of my family members decided to get something that was wrapped in plastic, my whole mood would go down and I would complain, trying to convince the, to buy something that had more sustainable packaging for the entire shopping trip. I was constantly asking to buy sustainable products, even requesting bidets and newspaper toilet paper. I made my own cleaning products, I bought soap bars instead of shampoo bottles; I cared wholeheartedly for the environment, and for the beautiful beings that lived in nature.
Then, on that year, that day, that one night whilst coming home from another hike outside, I suddenly got the idea to start a blog. I immediately grabbed my laptop after going inside, and researched all the possible website creator platforms. I spent hours and hours perfecting the home page, and spent my whole day writing my first blog post. I had fun, and enjoyed every single minute in the process.
I don’t know why, but after a year, that spark died.
Writing about the environment and protecting the environment started to feel more like a chore, an assignment that I had to accomplish. The consequences of not finishing that assignment? My parents would be disappointed in me, I would be disappointed in myself, and I would have nothing special to write in my application paper whenever I went to college or high school. If I didn’t write anything, no one would look at my blog, there would be no comments, and it would soon turn out to be just be a sad pathetic link that no one clicked, or looked at.
I felt like I needed to perfect every single post, so I deleted all my past writing, and started crazily editing and revising them.
I try so hard when I’m posting my “everyday sustainable action” to actually feel. To actually be willing to do these actions, to do them because I care about the environment. At times, I really do, but the majority of the actions are only out of the pressure to post everyday, no joy, no spark.
Why.
How could something I once loved so passionately turn into a necessity, a labor?
I might eventually find that love back again, but I really don’t know when, I don’t know why I lost it in the first place either.
For now, I’ll resort to talking and discussing things that I find a little more joy in. I still will write about our planet, about nature, because somewhere in my heart, I know I still care, I just need the passion to resurface, to fully float back on to the surface. But other than that, I’ll talk about other things too. Maybe in this process of showing you who I really am, more sides of me, I’ll find the part of me who gets frustrated every time I see a plastic bag. I believe that we all can one day find our passion, whether or not we haven’t found it yet, or we just need to let it resurface.
i hope that no one in this world will someday lose interest in the thing that had once loved and passionately cared for, especially you, beautiful earthling.
thank you for reading this spill of heart, i hope you keep safe, keep at peace, and treasure your love.